Blog post written by Therese Kenny, MSc, PhD Student Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology
Over the past two years, I have dived deep into the eating disorder recovery literature in the hopes of better understanding my own experience and being able to help others with eating disorders. As a self-proclaimed black-and-white thinker, I was hoping for an easy, clear-cut answer: recovery is _______. Instead I found that the research supports my own experience: recovery is messy, not well understood, and subjective. Eating disorders are as different as the individuals they affect, and so too is recovery. Nevertheless, the research suggests that there are some key similarities across individuals’ recovery experiences.
Recovery is about more than food. Individuals with lived experience focus on the psychological gains in recovery. These individuals typically report that normal eating is necessary for recovery, but not enough on its own; it’s a means to an end. Instead, they highlight the importance of increased self-worth, self-acceptance, and self-compassion in recovery. They also note “meaning making” as an important part of their experience. For some, this looks like increased spirituality; for others, this may involve activism and advocacy. In all cases, individuals note that recovery involves finding a sense of purpose or meaning outside the eating disorder.
Recovery is a process. Individuals with lived experience also note that recovery is NOT linear. In one study, participants reported that recovery was an ongoing process, which involves sustained vigilance and persistence. You have to work at it every day. The experience of recovery is not straightforward and requires constant renegotiation. It is expected that one will have good days and bad days (or even weeks and months), and that managing the bad days takes energy and strength.
Recovery is counter-cultural. Newer research suggests that recovery from an eating disorder is especially difficult because it goes against cultural ideals of beauty and health. In society, it is perfectly accepted (and indeed encouraged) that individuals should engage in disordered eating and exercise practices to lose weight for the benefit of “health.” Recovery means doing the exact opposite of these practices and, in the process, rejecting (the dominant) diet culture. Understandably, individuals in recovery may end up feeling different, isolated, and alone, feelings that can then precipitate eating disorder behaviours. This last finding highlights the immense difficulty of recovering (or even contemplating recovery) in a world that constantly puts individuals back into the same diet-centered mindset where they became unwell.
From my research, I have come to better understand my own recovery experience. I feel connected with and understood by the many participants who have courageously shared their stories (even though I have never met or even communicated with them). Entering this research has also given me the opportunity to sit with the messiness of recovery and begin to accept that we are likely never going to have all the answers. As researchers and clinicians, we want to find the one cure, the one treatment, the one solution to address eating disorders. At the end of the day however, recovery will look different for every individual. We all come with our own stories and experiences, and it is these experiences that allow us to write our own beautifully messy and unique recovery stories.