Blog post written by Shannon
I’m not truly passionate about anything unless I’m talking about this. It’s the only thing I really care about whole-heartedly. I love my family, my friends, my boyfriend, but I see the world so differently than them, because of my past.
I never mean to preach around my friends, but sometimes I can’t help it
Self-hatred around me
Picking up their shirt in a mirror
Talking about calories
I can’t hear or see these things and not put in my two cents
Do my friends have eating disorders? No, not necessarily
But you don’t have to be sick to make self-love a new priority in your life
But damn it’s hard
It’s easier to tell others then to practice it on your self
But
What if me saying something makes someone think differently, or second-guess their mentality even for a moment
I wish someone had done that for me
When I would check my body
When I would skip dinner
My ED has changed me forever, for better and worse
I don’t think the specifics or details of my eating disorder are important or helpful
My lowest and highest weight aren’t either
Because my insecurities started way before there was the eating disorder title placed on it
I was never made fun of, called names or put down as a little girl.
It was the demon in my head that just made existing seem too hard.
It needed something to attack and blame for EVERYTHING and that was my body.
My parents fight? It’s because I’m too big
I fail a test? It’s because I ate dinner
I get in trouble? It’s because my leg jiggles
Kinda funny and totally ridiculous when you think about it.
But I promise you these thoughts ended, it took therapy, and hospitals, and incredible lows, and fighting and screaming, and laughter, and smiles and hugs and cuddles and so much more...
To get to a place where my weight and my body are no longer to BLAME but are THANKED and CELEBRATED for keeping me alive and fighting so hard to put me in a place where I can maybe help someone else.
It gets so much better I PROMISE you.
YOU ARE WORTH so much more then this.