Blog written by Lindzie O’Reilly, MAN, Registered Dietitian and Samantha Durfy, MA, MSW, RSW
The holidays are a time to relax – a time to visit with family and friends and enjoy home cooked meals. The holidays can also be a stressful time. Many holiday events revolve around food, and often the types and amounts of food are different than our usual routine. It’s helpful if you’re willing to practice some flexibility over the holidays, while also still prioritizing your own needs around food.
Eat often during the day. Many of us have a tendency to eat less during the day to compensate for a larger holiday dinner. This actually puts even more focus on the holiday meal and tends to give it more power than it deserves. It makes it nearly impossible to participate in pre-dinner conversation when all you can think about is when and what will be served for dinner. It makes it a lot more likely that you will feel out of control during the meal, making different food choices than you would if you were well nourished all day. Eating often means having at least a bit of a plan in place that helps you determine where and what you will eat leading up to the holiday meal. It might even mean packing some of your own snacks to have on hand, acknowledging that you may need to eat at times when others around you might not be eating.
Can you say ‘yes’ sometimes? The holidays often bring many food options that aren’t a part of our usual food routine. The holidays also often mean meals based around food cooked by others. If you feel able, it can be helpful to reflect on holiday foods that you enjoyed prior to having an eating disorder. Are there one or two things you can give yourself permission to enjoy – truly taste without compensation or guilt – this holiday season? Consider joining in on meal planning with your family members, whether that be menu planning, grocery shopping, or the meal prep itself. Balance the goal of following a plan by taking some calculated risks.
Sometimes it’s important to say ‘no’. While important to practice flexibility, it’s equally important to reflect on choices that will help you achieve your personal recovery goals. Holiday meals often mean we are surrounded by family and friends that we haven’t seen for a while. Many folks feel pressure to ‘prove’ to their loved ones that they are ‘well’; leading to food choices that may push us too far outside our comfort zones. Sometimes it can be helpful to survey all of your food options before you begin to fill your plate. From there, decide on foods and amounts that you feel comfortable with, not what you think someone else would like you to have. Boundary setting with others can be a key skill in protecting your recovery. If those around you are asking you to push yourself too far past your comfort zone, it’s important to say no.
Have a support plan. It’s normal for urges and emotions to arise before, during, and after a holiday meal. It’s helpful to create a plan in advance, which could mean identifying a family member or friend that you can pull aside for a chat or identifying a space you can go to take a break and be alone in an empty room or outside. Asking for support and accountability with your eating goals can help you to survive the additional stressors which often come with the holiday season.
Take time to acknowledge your feelings. The holidays are not always filled with cheer and joy. For many people the holidays can be challenging, which can impact your recovery goals with food. If there are tensions within a family or if there has been a recent loss, the holidays can sometimes highlight what we don’t have or who is not at the dinner table this year. Take time to journal, cry, or talk with someone about your feelings. Bottling up your emotions can put you at risk to engage in eating disorder behaviours.
Engage in self-care. Because the holidays can be a busy time, it’s important to take time for yourself, whether that be journaling, mindful walking, or creative expressions, such as music, painting, or crafts. Carve out some time during your busy holiday schedule for you and your self-care routine. Also make a priority of sleeping well and avoiding excessive alcohol or substance use to limit vulnerabilities to your eating disorder.
Navigating holiday meals with an eating disorder is tricky. Going in with a plan in place, checking in with yourself often, asking for support, and keeping your personal recovery goals in mind can help. Best wishes to you in your recovery this holiday season!